Is My Teenager Good At Anything Besides X-Box?

What are you good at?  In a recent workshop with parents of teenagers we started out by playing with toys. We had yo-yos, playdough, Etch-A-Sketches, paddle-balls, spinning tops, and an assortment of maze games. There was laughter and people getting acquainted, and at the end I posed some questions, “Which toys were you good at? Which things were most fun for you? Were there some you knew you would be unsuccessful with, so you didn’t even try?” And the final point of the discussion was, “If you could take one toy home, would you take one you’re good at, or one that’s hard for you so you can do some work practicing? Parents agreed that they would take home a toy that was fun for them. They’d choose a toy that made them feel good about their abilities.

Every one of us, including our teenagers, have natural tendencies that make us good at one thing, and not so good at others. As parents we want to help our kids find their path to success. Do you see that your child is much more apt to find success and fulfillment when he builds on his natural strengths? It’s possible to improve in an area of weakness, with determination and persistence, but we are starting from a point of deficit.

So, begin by helping your teen become aware of his/her strengths. How did you learn what you were good at in your life? What was your first job? Did you volunteer somewhere? A first job, whether paid or volunteer, can be a perfect place to try out skills and see which ones you have, and which ones you don’t! These early experiences help kids see their natural strengths. Am I good at communicating? Or organizing? Do I connect naturally with younger children? Or senior citizens? One is not better than another, but they are what make each of us unique. It’s good to be self-aware.

What about X-Box? During this workshop the conversation came around to things parents have observed in their teenagers as their strengths. More than a few parents expressed that their kids are experts at playing video games, typing multiple instant messages on the computer, and composing text-messages at the speed of sound. What do we do with that, parents? Rather than complain and be annoyed, I challenge you to take an extra long look to find the skills that are needed to perform such tasks. It does take skill! I know that I’m not as skilled in these areas as most teenagers. And then, encourage your teen to build on that natural skill or interest. What is the next thing a teen can learn in this area, which will serve him in life? Where can his passion be expanded into something truly significant?

The tragedy in life is not that we don’t have strengths. It is that we haven’t recognized and used the ones we have. Walk with your teenager as he uncovers strengths, skills, and passions. You can be the encouraging force that turns his whim into a life of fulfillment.

I hope some of this thinking has inspired you in your relationship with your teen. Families change all the time, and when children become teenagers parents experience change that can be a huge challenge. If you and your teenager aren’t seeing eye-to-eye these days, this can be an opportunity to make a new plan for what you want to see in the days ahead. Life Coaching is an exciting, empowering strategy for making new decisions and plans. If, right now, you are living any sort of family change or challenge, please email me to schedule a free ½ hour just to get acquainted.